Thursday, November 7, 2013

I am not my hair… (11/6/2013)


 


I am not my hair…
 
 
 

November 6, 2013


            My mother, the lover of glorious long hair has three daughters.  To my Mom’s dismay, all three of us have lived for countless years with hair cut quite short.  I have never been infatuated with my hair.  I’ve been blessed with hair that is fine and soft, not thick and luxurious.  It’s natural and wash-and-wear for me.  No problem!

            This past weekend Gilbert cleaned the bathroom.  I step into a sparkling tub and four minutes into my glorious shower I’m muttering under my breath.  How can Gilbert clean up and leave hair all over the place.  I adjust the showerhead to rinse it away… but there’s more… and more… and even more.  I’m shocked to realize the process has begun… and… I. freak. out.  Chemotherapy and I are good friends.  We’re on a first name basis.  I know the results of chemo.  I was told the effects of chemo… yet, when I see the hair swirling around the drain it hits me like a sledgehammer.  I don’t know if I can handle this.  “…Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

            Forget about what I know and what I expect.  It all flies out the window.  I am truly freaking out here.  I jump out of the shower and call Gilbert.  “It’s okay!” he reassures me.  “Are you ready to shave it all off?”  I have yet to answer his question.  I’m confused about why I’m feeling this way because my hair has been one-eighth of an inch long for years.  How do I know?  After spending two hours at the barber shop a few years ago, I had hubby purchase an electric thingamajiggy for me and I use the one-eighth inch attachment.

            This is my chemo “off” week, so to quote Jenny, who has conquered her own battles, “I feel like a million dollars.”  Hubby and I head out to shop for the things I may need next week.  In the car, on our way home the heavy weight of my hair finally breaks me down.  The floodgates were opened previously for the pain, but never for the circumstance.  It’s an ugly cry that’s probably been months coming.  I see the helplessness on Gilbert’s face as he tries to comfort me.  He can’t do much but hold my hand as he drives and I cry.  The tears are filled with the weeks of recovery, the diagnosis, the abandonment by close family who can’t deal with it, the days of radiation, my good friend chemo and how my head will look like a person with ringworm.  The hair loss is not like taking off a wig… it’s a gradual process.  Every day more falls out in the shower.  Trust my sister to see the positive side.  As she says, “That’s great, no more shaving!”

            “Are you ready to shave it all off?”  I know I am. 

            The Daily Bread says, “Our circumstances never stay the same for long.  Sometimes we welcome change in our lives.  But often it is difficult, especially when it involves sorrow and loss.”  I am thankful though, that God remains the same – he loves me and holds me in the palm of his hand, with or without hair.  “I am the Lord, I do not change.”  Malachi 3:6

Love,

Charmaine Yvette

P.S. Don’t be surprised if you get a newsflash of Tina Turner or Angela Davis walking through Times Square – it’s me!!

23 comments:

  1. You make me feel your pain with your words. It's not an easy thing to deal with so it's okay to cry. kudos to your sister for going through this with you and ready to shave it off for team Yvette :) Listen to India Arie " I am not my hair". You're always in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should say you make me feel what you feel through your words.Excellent writer! looking forward to more blogs :)

      Delete
    2. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

      Delete
  2. You are such a great writer. I'm glad that you've started this blog. We are not our hair...whether it's long, short, relaxed, natural or even Brazilian--it should never define who we are. You are such an inspiration! Hold your head up high whether you're Tina or Angela. Underneath it, you will always be Yvette!!! There is nothing impossible for Him!! Love ya girl!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. So happy that you started this blog, so many will be encouraged by your journey. The title says it all. With or withour hair you look good girl. And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Did Fior just endorse Brazillians??
    Yvette, strong words from and even stronger woman. Hair is overrated. I could show you some websites that support this, but you can't open them at work.
    Thank you for showing us all what real courage is. Looking forward to your next entry. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. No Lance, I'm not endorsing Brazilians. If you had a little color you would know that I was not referencing waxing private parts, I was talking about the Brazilian hair used for wigs and weaves. Boom! Leave it to Lance Manyon to think of private parts! SMH!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always look forward to your emails/post. I never know what I'm going to get when I open them up. I always enjoy them, and I look forward to them and can connect with you on some level. You are doing a great job playing the hand you were dealt. I love you lots and KUDOS FOR STARTING A BLOG!!!! You are all fancy now.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm glad you wrote this...You have no idea how much I needed to read I am not my hair....your positivity in your situation has inspired me....continue to be blessed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many thanks for your comment sis and thanks for the blessing!

      Delete
  8. Wow and Wow I am not my hair.... Your writing are a true inspiration, ur Faith , Belief in our God is truly amazing . God has ur back no matter what, I Love God so much, I see God in the things I do. It took me a while to get here but I realize how truly blessed we are. You are an inspiration to us all, God bless u I am here to give u whatever support u need I am only a call away. You are a strong soldier so it is ok to let the tears flow that only means that u are letting go and letting God take over. U are giving him full control. We serve a mighty God, God bless u Charm, loving u always . Nikki

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. p.s do not know what profile to set lol

      Delete
  9. You are an inspiration. To God be the glory. Keeping you in pray...Sharmaine

    ReplyDelete
  10. Char.Char- Wow very inspirational. I am not my hair. Just to let you know that I am one family member that will not abandon you. I love you with or with out hair. I'ts not an easy journey, but I do know that God and your caring, loving, stand by your side husband Gilbert will see you thru. I love you.
    Allyson
    Not anonymous

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are bless that was sweet of you to send it out to me and all that pray for you to get better everyday my friend. I no its a long road with gods speed you will be all rigt my sister..My mon went thow it so i no how it is to feel the pain .. If i could stop cancer for all that i love and lost i would..But i cant so we have to put it in gods hands and let him do hes best work and heel all..Keep you head up and hang in there it will past soon..I will keep you in my prays as always love you sis..God bless

    ReplyDelete
  12. If i am ever to go through this experience my courage and faith would come from you the way you are handling this. Your writings are detailed of your God, feelings, the love of your husband, family, friends and caregivers, you are strong willed and GOD FEARING. God thought us to pray say Our Father which art in heaven ST LUKE CHAPTER 11 VERSES 2-4 AMEN. Hope my message reach you feeling strong. i hope i am sending it out to you right i too know nothing of blog..

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks to all of you for reading, thanks for your words, thanks for your prayers! This writing has become my therapy and I'm grateful God is in the mix of all of this. You make me feel like writing some more :)

    ReplyDelete