Friday, February 7, 2014

Wait! (February 7, 2014)

February 7, 2014

I had my CAT scan at the end of January.  Something as simple as the injection of dye into my system knocked me over for a full day and a half – I was sick!  Still, I was now excited to see my doctor a few days later.  The good doctor would not tell me anything I didn’t already know.  My faith helped me stand and my God has already spoken.  Going to see my doctor was just a technicality.

My sister, Cheryl, noted that the scriptures all talked about patience – I just didn’t think it was directed to me.  I walked into the doctor’s office a bit upset though.  After she delivered the great news, I begin…

“I’m not sure what is going on, but my last chemo was three weeks ago and I’m still feeling fatigued and beaten up.  Going up the subway steps is like climbing the infinity stairway and having to stand on the train for an hour is hell.”  I begin to describe my plans… “Today I was going to clean up my basement, then I want to re-do my kitchen, we need new back splash – so the old tiles must be removed, I’m looking for a new stove and I definitely need a new dining room table.  I’m hanging new family pictures so I just bought frames.  Then I want the dining room and living room painted and I have to choose a new color and we definitely need to have the floor sanded…”  Before I finish Dr. Makker pipes in “Whoa, whoa!”  Then she begins to explain to me.  She says “We threw an atomic bomb at you to fight this thing.  I am simply amazed that you continued smiling and laughing and working through all of this.  Unfortunately, you will continue to feel this way (weak!) through August or September (OF 2014!!?)  We need for you to rest.  We would like you to take 3-4 weeks off now and just lay around and take things easy.”  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2

I begin to cry.  Not for the great news she has just delivered, but the simple fact that I cannot return to my life as it used to be… at least not immediately – be patient!  I get off the elevator at the chemo building and walk directly into a great big hug from Nick (who I learned is also a survivor).  I cry as he hugs me and prays for me.  He thanks God for delivering me and continuing to use me. 

I am not the strong, invincible woman I used to be but I still thank God! 

Reflections says - “Interruptions are nothing new.  Rarely does a day go by as planned.  Life is filled with inconveniences.  Our plans are constantly thwarted by forces beyond our control...  However, inconvenience could be God’s way of protecting us from some unseen danger, or it could be an opportunity to demonstrate God’s grace and forgiveness.  It might be the start of something even better than we had planned. Or it could be a test to see how we respond to adversity.  Whatever it is, even though we may not know God’s reason, we can be assured of His motive - to make us more like Jesus and to further His kingdom on earth.”

…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12


Sing! (January 15, 2014)

Sing !
January 15, 2014

“Searched all over... couldn't find nobody
I looked high and low... still couldn't find nobody
Nobody greater... nobody greater... nobody greater than you

Nobody can heal... like you can
Oh most holy one you are the Great I Am
Awesome in all your ways and mighty is your hand
You are He who carried out redemption's plan
You are He who carried out redemption's plan”

– Nobody Greater (Vashawn Mitchell)

My heart has been singing.  I’m excited!  My final chemotherapy session was scheduled for January 14, 2014.  The day arrived and Whitney is with me (my own personal paparazzi).  Nobody greater than you Jesus!  My excitement is really about my trust.  I don’t have to wait for the results of my upcoming CAT scan.  I have already claimed my healing.  I stand here on three little words… faith, trust and praise.  Where is God?  He’s still here… with me!  How can I say that when God allowed this “bad thing” to happen to me?  My sister talked about the sermon of the beauty of the orange; however, to really enjoy the orange it must be squeezed!  I’m being squeezed so my light can shine. J  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:16

My excitement is also about finally eating the 25 lbs. of pineapple, 10 lbs. of honey dew melon and cantaloupe and all the undercooked/raw vegetables/fruit and wheat/grains I can eat.  These were my banned substances during this journey.  The things I now crave the most.

My excitement is about leaving behind the side effects of these drugs.  The neuropathy (big word I learned from my sister) is all the nerve ending tingling and numbness in my hands and feet I previously mentioned, that has me limping like my 86-year old mother.  It’s painful!  I now feel what she is going through with her diabetes – we won’t even talk about her arthritis pains.  The bone-weary feeling that I must work through to continue with my job.  The sleepless nights that have allowed me to master levels of Candy Crush.   Finally, my hair can begin to grow back. 

I must tell you though that all of you simply ROCK!!  My husband, my prayer warriors, my compadres, my friends, my intercessors!  Many of you I’ve never met!  You are all my angels; Terry, who showed up on Christmas day with trays of food for my entire family (this made Nigel very happy because he was not feeling spaghetti on Christmas day); Nick, walking into the chemo building can be a depressing reality, but your smile, your hugs and your prayers are always on time; my family, co-workers, my Sloan-Kettering family and my sisters (Barbara, Cheryl, Sandra, Claudette, Sharmaine, Jenny – some of you are from other families, but I’ve claimed you).  That you would all take the time to say a prayer for me and you continue to call, text and email me with an encouraging word.  Thank you!